Not My Name
by swaggers
Summary: If you played the game, you know that Snow screams Serah's name a lot. This is just a little humorous thing that takes place after Snow proposes. I'm also adding things I think are silly in here so it isn't just about Snow and Serah.
1. heartbreaking news

Not My Name

This is not to be mean, but in the game, Snow screams SERAH!!! A whole lot. So this is a little humorous thing I made.

* * *

Snow sat down in the city of Bodhum. Serah walked up to him and smiled.

"Can you believe we're engaged?"

"Not really. I'm shocked you said yes." Serah smiled. "I wish we could get married. You know I'm l'Cie."

"I don't care." Serah trotted off sadly.

"Serah," Snow said. "SERAH!!" Snow yelled and yelled her name but she wouldn't come.

"SERAH COME BACK!!" Snow yelled. "SERAH PLEASE!"

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME!!!" Serah said with tears running down her face. "My name is Kennedy you fool!"

Snow looked sad. "But, Serah, I-"

"KENNEDY!! Gosh we could never get married anyway."

"Just because you're l'Cie-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME!!"

**_THE END!!!_**


	2. information on story

Just a little info, my dad actually came up with that. he got annoyed of Snow screaming her name (especially when he dies) so he said "what if Serah wasn't actually her name?"

Then he kept talking about how she would've said "MY NAME IS SHA-NAY-NAY!!!" and how she looks like she's 15 and Snow was gonna go to jail for trying to marry a 15 year old girl.

LOL BUH BYE!!!!


	3. eh eh eh lol

MORE FUNNY STUFF!!!

Ever wondered why in Japanese games the characters always make some "eh" sound? This is what would happen if Lightning got SICK of it (from Hope of course. this takes place at the point where Lightning is about to fight Odin and she gets mad at Hope.)

"Eh, eh, eh, eh, uh, huh, eh," Hope whimpered.

"This isn't working," Lightning said.

"Eh, eh huh?"

"I mean your irritating voice!! Why do you constantly make that EH noise?! Just shut up!!"

Hope got sad. "But, eh I, eh eh eehhh..."

"AAAGH!!" Lightning yelled. Then that thing happened with her l'Cie mark and she had to fight Odin and during the whole battle, Hope was making the "eh" noise.

END OF BATTLE

"Eh, Lightning, eh, do you really want eh me to eh shut up?"

"YES!!"

THE END!! THIS IS ALSO ANOTHER THING THAT DROVE MY DAD INSANE AND IT CRACKED ME UP!!! LOLOLOL


	4. motorcycle? really?

Motorcycle?

In the game, there's this motorcycle thing and it confused me and my dad cuz it's a floating motorcycle that shoots you. (odd)

"Light, what's that?" Hope asked curiously.

"Looks like a motorcycle." Lightning walked up to it and its engine started revving up. Lightning snickered at this and Hope giggled. The motorcycle obviously heard and drove up to them. Lightning jumped up and landed on top.

"I await your command," The motorcycle said. Lightning snickered again and motioned Hope to come on.

"Take us to the nearest save station," Lightning said.

"I'm sorry, your tone of voice is too strict so I do not understand you." Lightning got upset and stabbed the motorcycle with her sword. It immediately died and Hope started laughing.

"It did that on purpose!!" Hope said. Lightning began laughing a little bit too.

"What kind of person made this cheesy bad guy anyway?" Lightning laughed.

THE END THE MOTORCYCLE KINDA THREW ME AND MY DAD OFF CUZ ITS A MOTORCYCLE IN A GAME LIKE THIS. KINDA FUNNY!! HOPE THIS MADE YOU LAUGH!!!


	5. The Chicken

The Chicken

If you've played the game, you know that Sazh has a chick in his hair. Probably why he has an afro.

The little chick popped out of Sazh's hair. Sazh reached for it with his hand. "Well, Chuckabo, I guess we sho-"

"What are you doing?" Lightning asked sternly. "I uh, eh, huh, umm...."

"Ugh, so immature. Why do you have a chicken in your hair?"

"Uh......"

"Forget it."

"Can I pet it, Sazh?" Vanille asked as politely as possible. Sazh let it pop down in her hand. Vanille danced all around with it.

"Be careful, Vanille. Don't-" Suddenly the chick went flying down the edge. Sazh started crying.

"SUCK IT UP YOU BABY!" Lightning yelled.

* * *

THE END this made me and my dad laugh. Why would you go around on adventures with a chicken in your afro?


	6. soldier?

Soldier?

OK Lightning was a soldier right? Well, this isn't really final fantasy-ish but I want to prove a point.  
Yes, Lightning was a soldier. But why would a female soldier go out to a battle with no sleeves and a short dress thingy??

Anna was the only female soldier. The third war against their nation rivals was about to begin. Anna grabbed her outfit and headed to the changing station before it was too late. She quickly threw on her mini skirt, belly shirt and high heel pumps.

"These are at least 4 inches, guaranteed for sexy legs." Anna walked out to the battle field with her heavy bazooka. She quickly tripped and shot one of her team mates.

"Oops...."

"ANNA!! What did I tell you about dressing APPROPRIATELY?!!" The general yelled.

"Uh....."

Anna stood back up. Her mini skirt was nearly torn in two. Her belly shirt was scratched up and covered with dirt. Her face was cut and bruised. She cried.

"I know you feel guilty about shooting him but-"

"It's NOT about him!! LOOK AT MY OUTFIT!! One of the heels is chipped! This is all Gucci! This cost money! MY OUTFIT IS RUINED!!" The general smacked her face.

THE END! I hope Lightning learned about being a soldier in some little.... ugh never mind.

(P.S. everything I put up is something that me and my dad didn't exactly understand or was just dumb to us :D)


	7. not Serah

She Doesn't Look Like it....

OK another thing my dad said was that Serah looked like she was fifteen. She does. So, here goes.

Serah and Snow desperately ran from the PSICOMs. They weren't so much trying to get Serah- they were after Snow.

"Sir, HALT!" One PSICOM said. Snow continued running with Serah by his side. Serah tripped over a pebble (pathetic) and twisted her ankle. She screamed.

"SNOW!! Help me!" Snow came and picked Serah up. Serah accidentally kicked Snow in his gut and he fell to the floor. The PSICOMs caught up to him.

"Sir, you are UNDER ARREST!"

"For what? I didn't do anything!"

"Are you trying to marry this girl?"

"She's not a girl she's a woman."

"She looks to be fifteen or so," One PSICOM said. Serah started crying. "Just because I look under aged doesn't mean-"

"You ARE under aged." Serah cried harder. Another PSICOM but handcuffs on Snow and they dragged him away from Serah.

"SNOW!!"

"No worries ma'am, you will be put in either and orphanage or in the residence in which your parents live in."

"I'm NOT 15!!"

"I assure you- you're fifteen."

THE END!! On the cut scene where these two were running from the PSICOMs, my dad said they're probably chasing them because he's illegally trying to marry an under aged girl. That was funny.


	8. no hygiene?

Hygiene?

OK in the game, nobody ever changes clothes, brushes their teeth, washes their hair, TAKES A SHOWER... and so many more. gross.

Lightning sat down on the grass. Hope sat down next to her. Suddenly, Hope smelt a fowl oder that seemed to be coming from Lightning.

"P.U. LIGHT!! When was the last time you showered?"

"What's a shower?" Hope's eyes became enlarged and he nearly fainted. "WHAT YOU USE TO BATHE!!"

"Bathe? What's that?"

"Cleaning your body you dirty rat." Lightning became ashamed of herself that she never even heard of a bath. She took a whiff of her armpit. It smelt bad.

_"I wonder when I was last on my cycle,"_ Lightning thought to herself. _"It was probably around Hope. I smell like a rat."_

"Well, when was the last time you washed your hair or brushed your teeth?"

"I don't need to. I never took the shampoo out of my hair so that's good. Plus my mom got me some mouth wash that lasts a little while."

"How long?"

"A whole 24 hours baby!" Hope yelled excitedly, ready to prove Light wrong.

"We've been out here for days!"

"Oh..." Hope said feeling guilty.

"OK we both have a lack of personal hygiene, but let's not tell anyone alright?"

"Won't they notice that we're smelly?"

"Probably. But let's not let this get crazy K?"

"Deal. I hope we can change our clothes before Sazh and Vanille get here."

"Me too."

THE END!! lololol.


	9. inappropriate clothing

Appropriate Clothing

OK so Fang wears some long skirt thing with a little wrap thing around what looks like her bra... anyway, this is why you shouldn't wear such inappropriate clothing.

Fang took out her sword along with Lightning. The two fought until the Falco Velocycle was staggered. Then Fang was about to hit it when she tripped over her skirt.

"WHOA!!"

"Ugh FANG! You wear too much clothes by your ankles!"

"You don't wear enough clothes!"

"At least I'm not tripping and falling like YOU are!"

The two continued to argue and instead of the yellow motorcycle to take advantage of this situation, it listened on.

"You act like you have more sense than me!"

"DUH I DO! Hello? I'm stronger than you, smarter and better at EVERYTHING! And what kind of name is Fang anyway?"

Eventually several people gathered around them listening to their argument. Even a news host came in.

"This is Jerry Trackmen here we have a rather interesting argument going on right now about clothing. The insults are hard and cold and.... wait are they l'Cie?"

"L'CIE!!" Everybody was shouting and running and apparently the velocycle remembered what he had to do. (moron) A few other PSICOMs came around. Fang tore off her long skirt and wrapped it around her bra.

"HAPPY NOW?!!" She yelled in Lightning's face. Lightning stabbed her with one hit to her chest and she died.

THE END!! Me and my dad were laughing about if Fang tripped over that thing. Plus I really don't like Fang so I killed her.


	10. odd couple

Odd Couple

OK so a lot of people think Hope and Lightning would make a great couple. Serious? Hope? and Lightning? OK well, that's what this chapter is about. (p.s. any words you see in bold means, take note of this before you think of those two as a couple.)

"Hope," Lightning began. "Hope, you do realize that.... you are.... strong. Right?"

"Uh, no...."

"Well um, you are and.... I kinda.... Like that in you."

"Really? Well um I like how you are... uh...."

"I love you."

"WUH?!"

"Um, sorry. But you know there's is one flaw inside of you."

"What?"

"That eh eh noise you make."

"Eh eh... oh. Eh."

"Stop it seriously."

"OK. So...you wanna go out sometime?"

"OK Hope. You gonna pick me up?"

"**I'M ONLY FOURTEEN**!!!"

"WATCH IT HOPE."

"Alright, when do you wanna meet? And where?"

"Um... how about you meet at my place OK?"

"Why?"

"It's gonna look funny when **a fourteen year old boy is going out with an adult woman.**"

"Oh yea **you're right.**"

So later that day, the two went over to Light's house for dinner. During dinner, Lightning realized that Hope was NOT a very neat eater. He got food all over his face, talked with his mouth opened, and **couldn't have an interesting discussion with him.** Lightning realized she had fallen in love with a guy who's younger than her, who has a lack of hygiene (she's one to be talking) and who couldn't ever protect her if they got married.

"Will you marry me?" Hope asked with spaghetti sauce all over his face.

"Yes." Lightning said.

"YAY! WE SHOULD TELL EVERYONE!!!"

"Yea..." Lightning said totally regretting her response. They gathered Fang, Sazh, Vanille, Snow and Serah together.

"Guess what! Me and Lightning are getting married!!"

Nobody said anything. They were all shocked.

"**Hope is younger than you, Light.**" Fang said about to fall over in laughter.

"SO!! It didn't matter when Snow thought it was OK to marry a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!!" Hope yelled.

"I'M NOT FIFTEEN!!"

"Serah calm-"

"MY NAME IS KENNEDY!!"

"**This isn't working,**" Sazh said.

"Alright, we're not getting married, Hope. K?"

Hope started crying. "YOU HATE ME EH!!!"

THE END I actually got this idea from Pulse99, not from my dad this time.


	11. shut up NOW

Shut Up NOW

OK I don't get why in like every game the bad guy runs his mouth during a battle. Isn't it irritating? That's what this chapter is about.

Lightning stood in front of Barthandelus. She was angry. It was time to fight and she knew that.

"You don't care about Cocoon?!" She yelled and tried her best to get rid of one of the heads on him.

"Witness the power of the fal'Cie!!" he yelled. Lightning grunted. 16 seconds later, he said:

"You think you can defeat the lights of ME?!" Lightning grunted again. 23 seconds later he said:

"L'Cie are NO match for the power of fal'Cie!!" Lightning yelled and stabbed him and he died in three seconds flat.

"Bad guys. Never shut up in a battle."

Hope and Fang were rolling on the floor. "Lightning did you really go mad because he wouldn't be quiet?" Fang asked.

"Yep."

"HA HA HA!! You're really irritable huh?" Hope said.

"You better not push it before you look like him," Lightning said.

"OK Light, you don't have to be such a sour puss now," Fang said. Once again, Lightning slashed Fang with a sword and she died. Don't ask me how she died a second time I just like killing Fang.


	12. behind the scenes

Fang and Vanille

SO I got this idea from Pulse99, so u can thank him. But Fang and Vanille are like TOTAL opposites and they're friends. So this is sorta like 'Behind the Scenes of Final Fantasy XIII' ENJOY!

(This is at the part where Vanille gets her Eidolon or whatever.)

"DON'T SAY THAT!!" Vanille said to Fang who repeatedly said it was her fault.

"But it is. I ruined this place."

"I bet you did," Vanille mumbled under her breath.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Fang's face turned bright red and Vanille's did too.

"IT IS YOUR FAULT!!"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ACT ALL SAD AND CRAP!!!"

"CUT!" The director yelled."You two are supposed to be friends!"

"I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE TOUGH BUT THEY'RE ALL SMILES AND SUNSHINE!!"

"I'M STRONGER THAN THAT YOU LITTLE-"

"STOP ARGUING AND FORGET IT! I KNEW WE SHOULD'VE GONE WITH TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!"

"Yea, you should have. These two don't have ANYTHING in common. Of course you're gonna get a couple chic fights."

"SHUT UP SNOW!" Vanille shouted very angrily slapping Snow's face. Snow, being a moron, retaliated and punched Vanille's face.

"Oops I uh..." Snow tried apologizing to Vanille (emphasis on TRIED) but she only cried harder. The only person who found this amusing was Lightning.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW CRAP!! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IF THE ANSWER SLAPPED YOU IN THE FACE!!" Lightning was rolling on the floor, her sides and cheeks were in pain but she felt great with all the laughter going around. Sazh thought about what was going on and started laughing too.

"Heh, heh heh. Heh. Hee hee hee. Ha ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA!!" Sazh was soon rolling on the floor with Lightning. "HA SHE'S SO RIGHT!! YAL SUCH-"

"TAKE 3!!!!!" The director yelled angrily trying to get everyones attention. Nobody listened and Snow continued trying to apologize (moron wont just say sorry) Vanille continued crying, Fang continued boasting about herself, Sazh and Light continued rolling on the floor, and Hope which nobody noticed was sitting at a table wearing a mask. (hee hee hee.) Vanille screamed and everyone looked at what she was looking at and screamed.

"THERE'S A TRIBE GUY IN THE BUILDING!!" Everyone screamed and ran to the exit (and so did Hope not realizing he's what they're afraid of) and they all left the set.

THE END! I didn't kill Fang like I kinda wanted to cuz I kill her too much. And once again, I got this idea from Pulse99.


	13. blame it on Snow

Blame it on Snow

OK I got this idea from LilVirga so... yea thats it. Basically, Lightning blames everything on Snow in this chapter so you can expect a couple crazy things. ENJOY!!

**SNOW EXCUSE 1**

"WHO MOVED MY DOUBLE-D BRA??" Serah screamed from upstairs.

"SNOW DID! C'mon Serah, you HAD to have expected that."

"Your boobies aren't double-d," Snow said to Serah.

"STILL SNOW DID IT!!" Lightning screamed.

**SNOW EXCUSE 2**

Hope sat in a chair crying.

"What's wrong Hope?" Lightning asked.

"My dad died too."

"Oh. You wanna know who did it?"

"Who?"

"Snow."

"I DID NOT!!" Snow yelled in Lightning's face.

**SNOW EXCUSE 3**

"Has anybody seen Chocobo?" Sazh asked to everyone who was sitting in front of the TV.

"Snow stole Chocobo."

"I DID NOT!!"

"ADMIT YOU DID OR I WILL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF!!"

"FINE I STOLE CHOCOBO!!"

Just then, Chocobo showed up next to Sazh.

"Nevermind yal."

**SNOW EXCUSE 4**

Fang sat in her room huddled in a corner.

"What's wrong?" Vanille asked.

"I.... I can't tell you.... its too personal."

"Whatever it is, Snow did it." Lightning said out of absolutely nowhere.

"STOP SAYING THAT!!"

"CRY BABY!" (Snow was actually crying now.)

"YOU ALWAYS BLAME THINGS ON ME!! WHY? WHY SIS?"

"I'M NOT YOUR SIS!"

"Ew Snow, are you crying?" Serah asked. Snow quickly wiped his eyes.

"No, no I wasn't crying. I uh,"

"Yea he was."

"Maybe we shouldn't get married."

"SERAH!!"

"KENNEDY!! IT'S KENNEDY!! LIGHTNING TELL HIM MY NAME IS KENNEDY!!"

"My name is Shani-qua. I don't know who Lightning is."

"What?" Fang said laughing uncontrollably now. Vanille too was laughing.

"FORGET THIS IMA END THIS NOW!!" Snow screamed running towards Lightning. He put his fists together and banged on her head and it cracked open.

THE END!! Once again I got this idea from LilVirga and um... yea. Hope you enjoyed!


	14. fake accent

Fake Accent

OK little info none of these chapters are really from my dad anymore, but before I begin making up something stupid in my ridiculously crazy mind and putting it in words, I need to say something.

MOST SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE THAT I MET ON FANFICTION (not really met but YOU GET IT)

Pulse99- Thank you for the several ideas and your amazing story that seemed somewhat inspiring even though my story wasn't even LIKE yours

LilVirga- Thank you for your help and support (and ideas) for my story!!

Xylius- He doesn't have anything to do with THIS story, but I've received help from him in other stories

yukai666- NOTHING to do with THIS particular story but her/his story inspired me some time ago to write stories :)

DemonChick344- Thank you for your review and idea and the fact that you said this was so funny you almost fell out of your chair because I FEEL MORE INSPIRED even though I'm still out of ideas.

**IF YOU HAVE ANYMORE IDEAS FOR ME PLEASE PUT THEM IN YOUR REVIEW AND ENJOY THIS CHAPTER. I GOT THIS IDEA FROM LILVIRGA BTW.**

Vanille sat by a river stream staring into the sky. Hope sat down next to her.

"What are you staring at, Vanille?" Vanille paused.

"I lie too much, Hope. I've lied so many times."

"Sometimes you have to lie. To keep you and others safe." Vanille smiled at Hope.

"Say didn't you have an accent? Like a British/Australian accent?"

"Um..." Suddenly Fang popped out of nowhere.

"Hey guys! So what have you all been up to?"

"Nothing, really, Fang. Hope and I were discussing something that was bothering me."

"Hey THERE'S your accent!!" Hope shouted pointing at Vanille. Vanille gave Hope that you-idiot-you-weren't-SUPPOSED-to-say-anything-now-you-die look.

"What is he saying Vanille? You FAKED your accent?"

"Uh... well.... I didn't want to sound odd around you so I.... faked..... my accent." Fang got really mad at Vanille and Hope sat there giggling like an idiot.

"He he he eh. Funny."

"And, I lied to you when my Eidolon came out, I knew you messed up the place the whole time!" Vanille said trying to sound all cheery and happy. Fang was still angry and she pulled out her sword stick thing.

"This is what happens to people who lie!!" She screamed and poked Vanille with the stick. She fell into the water and Fang tried to walk a little closer but her long skirt made her trip and fall into the water.

"I told you you should wear something else." Lightning said out of nowhere.

"Hey eh Light!"

"AAAAGH!!! DO YOU EVER SHUT UP!! EH THIS EH THAT STOP IT MAN I'M LOSING CONTROL!!"

"Isn't it Snow's fault I talk like this?" Hope asked her. Lightning thought and realized he was right (no Hope wasn't) and Lightning ran off to get Snow.

"See Vanille, this is what happens when you fake your accent. You should quit doing that because Snow is going to get the cheez-its beaten out of him."

"I'll never lie again."

"LIER!!!" Fang screamed and punched Vanille so hard she died.

THE END!! Thank you to all my viewers and people who read this story often! (same thing as viewers dummy) Oh P.S. most of the time when you see the parentheses its my evil twin ghost person who drives me insane (she already was insane) SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO TYPE and sometimes she helps me other times she IRRITATES THE MACARONI OUT OF ME (you don't even HAVE macaroni in your body) Ugh why do I try so hard. (that sounded awkward.)


	15. nastiest hair

Nastiest Hair

I got this idea from LilVirga. I want to thank LilVirga for staying with my story and giving me fresh ideas because my brain is like a burnt sausage. (don't know how many times that was said...) Here goes!!

Fang and Sazh walked behind Snow and Lightning. Snow strongly breathed in the fragrance of Gran Pulse and some other unfamiliar odor.

"P.U.! You guys smell that?" Snow yelled pinching his nose. Fang and Sazh quickly sniffed their pits and body for odors but they found nothing.

"No," Fang answered. Sazh was still sniffing the air and he smelt Fang's hair.

"Oh I smell it alright. I even know what it is making that smell." Sazh said staring at Fang. Fang was making that please-please-please-don't-tell-cuz-if-you-do-I-will-kill-you-and-you-won't-breathe-again look. Sazh ignored her and said

"It's Fang's hair."

"I bet your hair smells worse with a little chicken pooping on your head where ever you go!" Fang yelled.

"CHOCOBO IT'S A CHOCOBO!!" Sazh yelled in her face. "Besides girls are supposed to be clean and care for their hair but you probably got dead animals sticks and rocks and dirt all up in your hair!!"

"At least there's no poo in it!!" Fang hollered. Snow and Lightning sat down on the grass listening to every word that was being said. Eventually Behemoths, Tiger lookin things, and those giant dinosaurs all gathered to hear this argument.

"What kind of father are you? Poop in your hair!!"

"So now your criticizing my parenting skills?!"

"YES!! YES I AM!!"

"Hey, Snow, you wanna end this ridiculous fight now?"

"Sure. You get Fang I get Sazh." Snow killed Sazh with his fists and Lightning killed Fang with her sword and a giant dinosaur ate Snow and Lightning.

THE END!! Thanks to LilVirga for keeping up with this story and giving me new ideas (once again) because like I said my brain is a burnt sausage.


	16. strange battle

The Battle

I got this idea from Pulse99. Apparently everyone always stands around before battle and they like wait for a second to do something. (as in attack) K this twin ghost is getting annoying to me.

"Do you see that?" Lightning asked Hope.

"I have eyes don't I?"

"WATCH IT HOPE."

"Ya know, I knew even if we hooked up in chapter ten, (if Lightning didn't get embarrassed) I would've had to break up with you because of your attitude." Lightning smacked Hope in his face and he punched Lightning back. The two continued to retaliate to their actions and apparently a few PSICOMs heard them.

"ATTACK!!" One of the PSICOMs said. They entered battle but for about 5 seconds Lightning stood there to suck on her thumb and Hope stood there and put on some lipstick. (he obviously doesn't do that but I got bored) The PSICOMs were polishing the tip of their shoes and then battle REALLY began.

"WAIT!" One of the Psicoms screamed. "Why did we just do that?"

"I dunno, maybe were crazy," Hope said.

"Yea Hope. And you're legally insane." Hope punched Lightning again.

"HEY! They're the enemy!!" Lightning yelled. Hope stared blankly at her for about two seconds and punched her really hard. Like REALLY hard. Lightning collapsed on the floor and Hope kissed her with his lipstick.

"It's cherry. Tell me if you like it." A PSICOM shot Hope in his ribs and he fell to the floor gasping for air.

"HA HA HA! That's what you get for punching me." Lightning said.

"Hey.... you two would make an odd couple!"

"Don't mention it." Hope said about to cry.

"SUCK IT UP BABY!"

"YOU CALLED ME BABY! YOU LOVE ME!"

"Not like that!! I mean you CRYBABY!!"

Hope started crying. "You're mean!"


	17. hope's dream

Hope's Dream

So THIS one I got from DemonChick344. Poor Hope has no idea what's happening.....

Everyone stopped to rest. Hope decided to get some rest while everyone else wanted to stay alert. Hope began to enter the weirdest dream he ever had but his favorite dream in the world.

"Eh... Lightning.... We shouldn't... have..... sex while everyone is...... watching." Hope said while he was sleeping. Everyone stared at Hope and Lightning cupped her hands over her mouth completely shocked of what she heard.

"Yes.... they're watching.... There's Snow right there..... Snow didn't put these thoughts into..... my..... mind....." Snow burst out laughing and he was rolling on the floor. Lightning started choking Snow so he couldn't laugh and so she could hear Hope.

"I....love......you...... can we get....... married?....." Lightning made that even-though-he's-dreaming-HE-DID-NOT-JUST-SAY-THAT face. Fang and Sazh were about to burst out laughing.

"Please.....I love..... you...... you're so...... sexy baby...... I.... love you..... and...." Lightning leaned in really close to hear this part but all she heard Hope doing was making a ton of grunts. Suddenly Hope woke up laughing.

"Hee hee he hee hee hee hee." Lightning grabbed his neck firmly.

"YOU HAVE 2 SECONDS TO TELL ME WHAT YOUR DREAM WAS ABOUT," Lightning said letting go of his neck.

"I fell in love with you and you wanted to have...... it........ and I said no and you said please and I said no and you said why not and I said I love you can we get married and you said are you crazy and I said please I love you you're so sexy baby I love you and then I got cut off and you tore your clothes off and so did I and we had ........ it.."

"It? Really Hope?"

"I don't wanna say it!"

"SEX SEX SEX THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WORD!!"

"SO WHAT?!"

"Hope......."

"Never mind...." Hope said. Sazh, Vanille, Fang and Snow were rolling on the floor in laughter. They couldn't believe what they heard. Hope stared at Lightning and Lightning stared at Hope.

"Wanna freak them out?" Hope asked.

"Uh... OK... But what are you-" Hope leaned in and kissed Lightning and everyone stopped laughing and stared at what was happening before them. Lightning got super pissed and cut Hope's head off.

"DON'T KISS ME YOU FOOL!!" Lightning screamed.

"He can't hear you, Light." Snow said.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT SNOW!!"

"HOW?!?!"

"BECAUSE YOU...... YOU JUST....... WHATEVER IT'S STILL YOUR FAULT!!" Lightning then decided to kill Snow and Fang killed Lightning and Sazh killed Fang and Vanille killed Fang. Vanille got bored and killed herself.

THE END!! I laughed in the making of this chapter. Hope you laugh too!!


	18. barthandelus battle 2

Barthandelus Battle 2

Got this idea from DemonChick344. Yea thats it ENJOY

(Takes place when Barthandelus comes back)

"Oh COME ON why do we have to fight you again?!" Lightning screamed. (more like whined.)

"Witness the power of the fal'Cie!!"

"DON'T START," Fang yelled.

"I DON'T WANNA FIGHT!! I DON'T I DON'T I DON'T!!!" Snow cried. He fell onto the floor rolling and crying throwing his little tantrum.

"Uh.... um... please don't cry Mr. Snow guy.... uh do you want a candy?" Barthandelus asked. Snow was still crying.

"Uh.... what about a toy truck?" Snow still cried on and on.

"Um..... I KNOW! You want some alcohol?"

"YAY!!! ALCOHOL ALCOHOL ALCOHOL!!" Snow screamed. Barthandelus handed Snow the bottle and he sucked on it like a baby sucks on a bottle (sounds odd he sucked on IT)

"Grow up Snow. Just grow up." Fang said. Of course Lightning went insane and cut Snow's head off and Lightning and Fang fought Barthandelus.

THE END!! I'm a bit more excited for chapter 20 because it'll be the longest one I ever made!!


	19. pervert

What a Pervert

I also got this idea from LilVirga. Everyone knows how Fang looks at Vanille's l'Cie mark. (pervert) so that's what this chapter is about.

"Fang, where should we go know?"

Fang paused. "I'll decide once I see your l'Cie mark."

"What does that have to do with a destination?" Lightning asked. Fang was already staring and touching Vanille's mark.

"Ugh, you're a perv."

"OK fine." Fang said. She reached for Lightning's chest and tried to look at her l'Cie mark too. Lightning pulled away.

"ARE YOU INSANE?!"

"WELL WHO DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PERV ON NOW?!"

Lightning sighed. "This is all Snow's fault."

"Yea, it is isn't it?"

"You bet. Go perv on him."

Fang went to Snow and stared at his.... area...... Snow saw her and said:

"Um... are you alright Fang?" Fang reached for his private area and tried to pull his pants down. Lightning appeared out of nowhere and said

"See Snow, this is what you deserve."

"RIGHT EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT!!!"

"Sure is."

"You little.... AAAH FANG STOP!!" Fang eventually tried to pull down Snow's boxers but he resisted the whole time. Lightning sat rolling on the floor with laughter and Snow killed Fang. Lightning committed suicide so Snow wouldn't kill her. (moron)

THE END!! CHAPTER 20 WON'T BE LONG CUZ IT'LL BE THE LONGEST CHAPTER I EVER MADE AND I'M REALLY EXCITED TO MAKE IT!!


	20. GRAND FINALE

Before I start, I just want to thank everyone who viewed my story and everyone who is viewing it now. I also really want to thank everyone who gave me ideas and advice on my story ESPECIALLY Scarlet Sarrow because without your review I wouldn't have known about the Chocobo thing. I want to thank Pulse99 probably a little more than Scarlet Sarrow because I received help, ideas, advice and info on my stories (yes I meant stories) and I was inspired my your inspiring story SO LOOK AT IT IF YOU HAVEN'T OR YOU DIE BY LIGHTNING AND I MEAN THE PERSON BECAUSE SHE IS VIOLENT AND SHE WILL KILL YOU IN THIS CHAPTER. Jk. The MOST important person I wanna thank is my sister. I say that because on Saturday night when we were going to bed (we have a bunk bed I'm on the top she's on the bottom) she gave me new fresh ideas for this chapter even though she was really just running her mouth about some crazy story she was making up with Serah and Snow. So thanks sis even though you don't even know how to access this website. (Also check out my other stories plz and ENJOY THIS STORY)

Oddest Conversation

In this chapter everyone will talk about random, odd and somewhat disturbing things. If you are disturbed by this chapter, please go to bed and dream about sausages.

"OK we all have a reason to be here correct?" Lightning said.

"Yea I'm here for ..... who am I here for?" Snow asked.

"Serah?"

"I don't know who Serah is. Who's he?"

"You future wife...." Lightning said.

"I'M NOT MARRYING A MAN!! SERAH IS A GUY NAME!!"

"NO IT IS NOT!!"

"OH SERAH!! SERAH!!! **SERAH SERAH SERAH!!! SERAH!!! SER**-"

"SHUT UP!!" Lightning screamed.

"Hey, Hope, shouldn't you pull down your shirt? It's a bit too high on your back." Vanille said.

"NO! Stop staring at my backside! Leave me alone."

"Hope what are you a girl or a boy? Girls have their shirts all up on their back like that." Lightning said trying her best to explain.

"Fine. I'm a girl. Lightning do you have an extra bra I can borrow?" Lightning fell to the floor.

"No..... he did not just ask that...."

"Why does it matter? Not to mention your corny cheesy name!"

"My name's NOT corny or cheesy!!" Lightning screamed.

"Whatever you say. CLAIRE." Lightning grunted. She got tired of killing Hope so she didn't. (funny how they keep coming back after they die)

"Snow this is YOUR fault."

"NO IT ISN'T AND IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN I WILL THROW YOU OFF A CLIFF!!!" Snow screamed. Lightning looked back at Snow who was obviously serious and they stared at each other for about 30 seconds. After that they said:

"I love you." They began making out uncontrollably and Hope started to cry.

"NO NO NO STOP IT!!!" Hope tried to punch Snow on his back but Snow pushed him to the ground. Eventually they stopped kissing and they fixed up their clothes and straightened their hair (ya know what two embarrassed people do after making out in front of others) Hope sat on the floor throwing his little baby tantrum about the two making out. Sazh scratched his head and sniffed his head and smelt something fowl.

"PU I think Chocobo pooped in my hair...."

"AAAAAUGH!!!" Vanille screamed. "STINKY BOY HAIR!!!"

"Uh..."

"YOU GUYS STOP!!" Fang yelled. "All of this is unnecessary."

"She's right," Lightning began, "But I have a question for Vanille. You're like hundreds of years old, but why are you so immature and childish?"

"I'm not all smiles and sunshine!!"

"But you're all stupidity and irritating noises," Hope said.

"Babe," Hope started. "Why were you making out with Snow?"

"First of all you don't call me babe. Second of all it was HIS fault. Third, I couldn't let go when a guy is CLINGING TO YOUR BEHIND." Lightning said. Snow smiled.

"You love it. You know you do."

"Sure OK? Sure." Suddenly Gadot and Lebreau, (the two people that help Snow in the very beginning) show up.

"Dude are you wearing heels?" Hope asked Gadot. (if you ever looked closely, his shoes look like wedges.)

"Um.... well, my shoe size is like... the same as my mom's and....."

"DUDE YOU'RE SO WEIRD!!!" Snow said rolling on the floor. Lightning fell right next to him laughing and Fang fell next to Snow too.

"Hey Lebreau," Snow said. "How come you would always dance during a fight?"

"I DO NOT!!"

"And, Gadot, how come you always squat down like a monkey in a battle?"

"Heels hurt you know."

Suddenly Serah showed up.

"SNOW!!"

"Huh? Who are you?"

"Serah. YOUR WIFE....." Serah said through clenched teeth. Snow smiled.

"H-h-hey..... baby...."

"SNOW KISSED LIGHTNING HE CHEATED WITH YOUR SISTER AND MY FUTURE WIFE!!"

"I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU HOPE!!"

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!! NOW YOU ALL ARE GONNA BE QUIET BEFORE I MAKE YOU!!" Fang yelled.

Everyone went silent.

"Wait..... I feel something...... weird....." Snow said.

"What?"

"Like.... like this is some fan site and..... somebody's making a story..... with US in it and....... the story's being posted on some website...... like we were in a video game before!!"

Everyone gasped.

"See there's a narrator and everything!! Nobody HERE said everyone gasped!!"

Uh.... SNOW FIGURED OUT I WAS HERE AND ... GOT TO GO BYE!!!


	21. happy time

Happy Time

I got this idea from DemonChick344. I want to thank DemonChick344 and LilVirga for 'clinging' to my story. I also want to thank anyone else who gave me an idea for a chapter.

Vanille woke up the next morning feeling odd. She went downstairs to where Serah (IT'S KENNEDY) and Lightning (SHANIQUA) were.

"Hey Vanille!" Serah said. Vanille looked over to Serah and said

"MMMUAGHAUGHM." (some odd moaning noise)

"Well SOMEONE'S PMSing," Lightning said. Vanille walked to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a prescription drug. She popped two pills in her mouth.

"Good MORNING EVERYONE!!" She said all cheery and happy. She skipped out of the room as if nothing happened.

"Well maybe she ISN'T all smiles and sunshine...." Serah said.

"I'ma get to the bottom of this." Shaniqua grunted. Uh, I mean Lightning. Grunted. Yea. Lightning followed Vanille all the way to a high mountain. She wasn't right behind her though. She took a recording device and pushed the record button to hear everything being said. (from Vanille)

"I wish I could tell them. They don't know I'm a drug addict. I hate being happy all the time. Stupid happy time drug. If only I would be accepted WITHOUT the drug. *sigh* Oh it's fine. Doesn't matter. being addicted to drugs isn't bad. I guess..." Vanille walked back down the hill but Lightning couldn't turn around quick enough and she was spotted.

"LIGHTNING!! How much of that.... did you hear??"

"All of it. YOUR ADDICTED?!"

"I'm sorry! I can't help it. Fang forced me to!"

"No. Snow did this."

"Oh."

"So you're all grumpy without your "happy time" drug?"

"Yes."

"Oh. I just thought you were PMSing or you woke up with the wrong guy this morning..." Lightning said trying to make Vanille laugh. (If you don't get the woke up with the wrong guy think of this. instead of saying "someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!" it's "someone woke up with the wrong guy this morning!!" crude humor but funny.)

"That's not funny."

"You should take more of those pills right now."

Vanille sighed and popped another into her mouth. A smile instantly popped on her face and she couldn't stop smiling.

"HI HI HI LIGHTNING!!"

"Uh..."

"I think someone woke up with the wrong boy this morning! Did Hope leave your bed? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"

"That wasn't funny...."

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"Really..."

"IT WAS REALLY!!!"

"No...."

"YES!!!"

"NO....."

"**YES!!!!**"

"NO!!!"

"IT TRULY WAS!!!"

"NO IT WASN'T!!!" Lightning screamed and ran towards Vanille and punched her off the cliff.

"I hate happy time drugs. Curse you Snow." Lightning thought for a moment. "What would happen if Snow took happy time drugs?"


	22. Odin

The Odd Love

Firstly, I REALLY wanna thank DemonChick344 for always giving me fresh ideas. (Of course this one was from him/her)

Lightning walked onto the grass. She sat down and felt it with her fingertips. 'Soft' she thought. She stood back up and decided to summon Odin.

"Odin," She said. She threw her stone thing in the air and hit it with her sword. Odin popped out rather confused.

"The enemies?"

"ODIN! You can talk?"

"Yep. THE ENEMIES?"

"Watch it Odin... I just wanted to talk to my FAVORITE Eidolon."

"Not to mention your ONLY Eidolon." Odin sat down. "What did you wanna talk about?"

"I just need to get some things off of my chest."

"Well, I'm out."

"Ha, ha Odin. Very funny."

"I can't help my poor sense of humor I mean I'm supposed to be like you aren't I?"

Lightning rolled her eyes. "Ya know Vanille and Fang right?"

"Yea, I hear them through your chest. Especially Vanille."

"Enough with your obsession of my chest."

"OK but one more thing,"

"WHAT?!" Lightning whined.

"When you run, I'm always bouncing around. Do you ever where a bra?"

"ODIN!!"

"QUIT YELLING!!"

Lightning slapped her face and sighed.

"Didn't that hurt?"

"YES but I'm supposed to act like it didn't."

"Why?"

"I don't know but ANYWAY Vanille sounds like a THREE YEAR OLD! She's like a few hundred years old!!"

"You don't understand that. She was frozen in ice. Still alive but frozen."

"It's crystal not ice."

"What ever. She was still alive so every year she was in there counted. Since she was alive."

"I GET IT."

"Ya know if you put your boobs in a bra on it would be harder for me to go def."

"ODIN!!"

"So it's true? You DON'T wear a bra?"

"SHUT UP ODIN!"

"OK I'll leave your boobs alone."

Lightning grunted. "Fang REALLY annoys me. She tried to look at my l'Cie mark ON MY CHEST!"

"WHAT A PERVERT! Plus she could've seen me!!"

"No.... But anyways.... oh SNOW! Ever he's been trying free Serah who's MY sister AND his fiancé, he's been doing all KINDS of crazy things! Like putting Vanille on happy time drugs and making Fang perv on people!"

"And making everyone l'Cie!"

Lightning gasped. "You're RIGHT! I'ma kill him!"

"What do you think of Sazh?"

"Stupid. A chicken in your hair?"

"Chocobo."

"Whatever. It's still gross it pooped in his hair!"

"I HEARD! That was GROSS!" Odin's deep voice bellowed in her ears. There was a two minute silence. "What do you think of Hope?"

"Pathetic. Most of the time I have to call YOU for backup!" (not really I'm more skilled than my dad he uses the strategy guide during the whole game and I use MY strategies! Just had to say that.)

"I always hear him making that eh noise through your mini boobs." Lightning made a face at Odin. Ya know that if-you-couldn't-kill-me-I-would've-yelled face.

"Maybe if you wear a bra I won't hear him."

"LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE!"

"Hope? What are YOU doing here? And you didn't hear any of that did you?"

"I was hiding behind a rock to make sure nothing would happen to you, Babe."

"QUIT CALLING ME THAT! WE AREN'T TOGETHER!"

"Love me please."

Lightning sighed. "Fine." Lightning grabbed Hope's face and pulled it to her lips. Hope grabbed her backside. Odin just stared in shock. (Those big cartoony eyes were on his face. That's how shocked he was.) He couldn't believe the same person who said he was pathetic is KISSING him. Hope and Lightning fell to the ground. Odin was SO disgusted (So am I I'm so disgusted I can barely finish this portion) he turned into a horse and trotted off. After a couple minutes, Lightning pushed Hope away and summoned Odin again.

"Lady, leave me alone."

"YOU WANNA HIDE IN MY CHEST AGAIN?!"

"No. What do you need?"

"Kill Hope for me." Odin sighed and sliced Odin in half. "Can I go? I kinda like hiding in your boobies." Lightning rolled her eyes. Odin left (of course)

THE END! I like this one ALOT but not as much as chapter 20. Hope you enjoyed!


	23. Power of a Name

Power of a Name

I CAME UP WITH THIS BY MYSELF YAY! I WAS THINKING ALL LAST NIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING AND THEN I WROTE IT ON PAPER!! YAY!! Enjoy.

"Lightning, get up." Snow said. He nudged on her side. Lightning groaned and pulled the blanket over her face.

"Get up Lightning."

"I don't wanna!"

"GET UP!"

"NO!"

"WAKE UP!"

"I'M NOT GONNA!"

"SHANIQUA GET OUT OF THE BED!" Lightning rolled her eyes and rolled out of bed. Snow then realized he can get Lightning to do whatever he wants her to as long as he calls her Shaniqua.

"Lightning, make me some pancakes."

"No way, buttnugget, make some yourself," Lightning said.

"Shaniqua, make me some pancakes." Lightning rolled her eyes and made Snow pancakes.

"Shaniqua, clean up this mess," Snow said. Lightning sighed and washed his dishes.

"Anything ELSE you want me to do?"

"Carry me to bed."

"WHAT?! You're CRAZY you little-"

"Shaniqua." She sighed (again) and tried to put Snow on her shoulders (emphasis on tried) and carried him to his bedroom. She laid him on his bed as gently as possible (which wasn't gentle AT ALL) turned to him and asked,

"Anything else?"

"Uh, you dropped me pretty hard.... I want a massage SHANIQUA."

Shani- er um Lightning sat behind Snow and massaged his back. "Oh, Shaniqua, I also need you to shave my pis."

"Oh dear God no."

"Yep." Lightning grabbed a men's hair shaver and ...... yea. (not gonna be too detailed it's gross)

"Shaniqua, when you're done, give me a bath."

"WHY?!" Lightn- um Shani- um... I was right the first time. Lightning whined.

"I haven't bathed in months, I'm too lazy to bathe."

"Why does my sister love you so?"

"Heh." Lightning bathed Snow and almost enjoyed washing his.... nevermind.

"What ELSE Snow."

"Uh uh uh Lightning! No attitudes."

"SHUT UP YOU SON OF A-"

"Shaniqua...."

"I'm sorry."

"Good girl. Do you mind getting this toe jam out of my toes.?"

"Yes."

"Too bad Shaniqua. Dig it like you're diggin for gold baby!"

"I'll need a pickaxe then."

"GET IT OUT." Lightning rolled her eyes and dug it out.

"Go ahead and eat that." Lightning started to cry. Odin suddenly popped out.

"Odin," She said half crying, "He was about to make me eat toe jam."

"So THIS is the Snow who's been ruining your life."

"I'm not afraid of your Eidolon! Mine are bad and sexy."

"And gay. Don't forget gay." Lightning said.

"NO!"

"Whatever. Odin get him." Odin sliced Snow in half.

"I mean, it was his fault."

THE END!! I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR COMING UP WITH THIS CHAPTER ALONE!!


	24. Odin 2

I came up with this chapter TOO! In this chapter, Lightning summons Odin again and realizes, Oidn is the WORST Eidolon ever.

Lightning rested in her bed. The thoughts of the bad things Snow did to everyone haunted her.

"Odin," She said. Odin appeared in front of her.

"Can I help you?"

"Odin do you mind telling me a story?"

"Yes. Can I go hide in your boobs?"

"Ya know that's not where you go."

"Fine. BEHIND your boobs? On your chest?"

"No. tell me a story OR DIE."

"Fine. Once upon a...... what's wrong with your face?" Lightning had her arms wrapped around her knees and her eyes were big and baby-ish. She had a baby smile (with dimples) and drool dripping from her mouth. (like a baby)

"Ga!"

"Uh.... forget it. Once upon a time a girl named Claire roamed the land of..... Fried Chicken..... She spoke rudely to all so she had no friends. A crazy boy named Peace (trying to make a nice name similar to Hope) fell in love with her. She rudely declined his offer to a date one day. Ligh- uh Shani- uh...Claire yea Claire cried for days after she had fu- WILL YOU STOP MAKING THAT FACE?!"

Lightning was making her insane baby face. "Otay." Her face reappeared normal.

"Uh.... Claire cried for days the end."

"Wow. Worst story ever."

"Can I go to your boobs now?"

"NO!"

"Why?"

"You're such a PERVERT!"

"And you aren't?" Lightning made a guilty face. "Yea I saw you gettin touchy with Snow's penis when you bathed him. You were staring at it and EVERYTHING."

"So what?! I never SAID anything like YOU."

"You're my master I HAD to." Lightning gave Odin the man-stop-the-kiss-up-mess face.

"And I can not tell a lie."

"YEA RIGHT."

"I'm cereal."

"Cereal? SERIOUS."

"Cereal. Captain Crunch."

"UGH."

"Can I go to your boobs NOW?!"

"NO!"

"Fine."

"This is Snow's fault."

"May I have the honor?"

"Yes you may." Odin ran off and sliced Snow in half.

"Good boy, Odin. Do me a favor and take his clothes off and freeze the bottom half."

"Why....."

"....No reason...."

"PERVERT!"

"Do it and you have access to my chest."

"Fine." Odin did ans Shaniqua said. Uh... Lightning. Odin left and Lightning went to bed with Snow's bottom half.


	25. Background Music

Background Music

Ever noticed how some of the background music in FFXIII ischeesy? (store/elevator/commercial music type) well that's exactly what this chapter is about.

Lightning walked into the grassy field. Hope and Snow followed.

"Wait don't move..... do you guys hear that?"

"Are we at Wal Mart or Gran Pulse? This music sounds like we're in a grocery store." Snow said.

"Clean up in aisle 3," Hope said. They laughed. "Calling Mr. Bishop to the register, Mr. Bishop." Lightning said. They laughed again.

"Erin, your party is waiting, Erin." Snow said. "That wasn't funny." Hope said.

"This corny music is your fault Hope. Fix it."

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!"

"Yes you did I saw you." Vanille said out of nowhere.

"Vanille where did you come from?" Lightning asked.

"MY MOMMA! You gotta a problem with tha- uh I-I'm just a figment of your imagination! I'll be going!" Vanille ran off.

"My imagination poofs away." Hope said. Suddenly Odin pops out.

"HEY TELL YOUR EIDOLON THERE'S A PARTY IN LIGHTNING'S BOOBS!!"

"OH THAT'S where your l'Cie mark is! Can I see?" Hope asked.

"Snow this is YOUR fault! Now Hope and Odin are into porn!"

"Why'd you guys say anything?"

"Wait, it WAS your fault?"

"Yea. Isn't that why you constantly say it is?"

"NO!"


	26. Behemoth King

Behemoth King

Lightning approached the Behemoth King. They entered battle.

"YES HE'S ALMOST DEAD!! ALMOST..." He stood up and flexed a bit and took out a sword. It looked like he was wearing pants and had a tattoo on his chest.

"Ooh boy take your pants off sexy!" Lightning yelled. Fang rolled on the floor and Hope took his pants off.

"I DID IT LIGHT!" Lightning winced at Hope. "Uh.... Hope you're not..... wearing.... underwear...."

"I thought you'd like that." Fang was rolling on the floor and at this point, so was the Behemoth.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA YOU THINK I'M SEXY!! LIKE I'D TAKE MY PANTS OFF FOR YOU HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"

Lightning looked embarrassed. "I was just .... kidding." Everyone stopped what they were doing.

"Oh." Fang said. She stood up.

"Oh." The Behemoth said and started tearing Fang up.

"I don't care LOVE ME!!" Hope yelled. The Behemoth sliced Hope in half.

"At least I didn't have to this time." Lightning said.


	27. Final Fantasy: Musical

Final Fantasy: Musical

I FINALLY got something from my dad! I want to take this time to thank my dad. I can't ever thank him enough. So I dedicated this story to him even though he has NO idea about it.

Snow sat on the ground. Serah's tear drop was in his hand. Lightning came up behind him.

"Snow, it's OK. She'll be back. Soon."

"I hope so."

"She will."

Suddenly Snow broke out into musical. "Oh SERAH!!!! How I miss you so. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!! So very much. I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- cough cough ooh can't hit that high note. ehem. I WAAAAAAAAAANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!! YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!!!" Lightning rolled her eyes. She did the same thing though. " OH SERAH! I MISS YOU ALSO!! WHY DID YOU BECOME L'CIE!!! OH YEA.... I forgot. It was SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW'S FAULT!!!!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"LIIIIIIIIIIIGHTNING I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!"

"I DON'T CARE!!" Lightning screamed in Hope's face.

"Why?"

"I HATE YOU!!"

Fang appeared next to them. She then started singing in her soprano voice. "Will these two ever be.... will they make a baby...."

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!" Lightning yelled. "I WAAAAAAAANT SNOW!!!!"

"NO! Why babe why?"

Odin popped out. He sang with his deep voice. " I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE LIGHTNING'S BOOBIES!!! I WISH I COULD STAY IN HERE FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!!"

"Shut up Odin." Hope said. "You don't deserve her." Odin slashed Hope in half.

"Ugh, why do we have to be in a musical video game?"

"No one will know, Light. No one will know." Fang answered.

THE END! I only have ONE request to my viewers.  
I just put out what I think is a GREAT story. Plz view it (you don't have to just want some people to see it) It's a crossover through FFXIII and ME.

Yes that's it.


	28. Fang's Dilemma

Fang's Dilemma

"Fang," Vanille started. "Do you have any drugs in your room? Lightning's convinced that Snow forced you to keep drugs in your room."

Fang started sweating. "No...... y-y-you can t-t-t-tell her that t-too."

"Are you OK?"

"Y-yea I'm f-f-fine," Fang said.

"Alrighty then!" Vanille skipped off (she took three happy pills this morning) and told Lightning. Fang shivered.

"I've GOT to get rid of these drugs before Lightning finds out!" Fang dug into her dresser and grabbed all the weed out of there. She reached under her pillow and grabbed the meth that was underneath it.

"I didn't even get a chance try this."

She reached under her pillow and grabbed all this pills from there. Fang put everything into a bag. She ran 12 miles from there, threw the bag on the floor and set it on fire and buried the ashes.

"Now, ... *pant pant*.... nobody will ever *pant* know..... *pant pant*." She paused for a moment.

"Besides Snow." (Lightning was RIGHT She was right about SNOW!!)

The next day, Fang woke up jittery.

"Need..... PILLS!!" She searched her entire room and found nothing. She went into her closet and and found her emergency safe. "21....... 62...... 90....... 3!" The safe door flew open and tons of pills were in there. Fang began to drool.

_"Lightning might hear me," _She thought. She closed the safe door and ran out of her room. _"Act normal," _She thought. She walked down the stairs normally. Fang found everyone at the table eating breakfast.

"Hey Fang!" Snow said. He patted the chair next to him. Fang sat in the chair.

"Fang, do you want to come to the mall with me and Lightning?"

"I never agreed to go to the mall," Lightning said confused.

"In my world you did."

"That's a-a-a-alright I'll s-s-stay h-home."

Suddenly Sazh joined the group.

"Buenas Dias!(good morning)" Sazh said.

"W-w-what?" Fang asked. "He can only speak spanish." Lightning answered.

"Fang tiene la drogas en la dormitorio, (Fang has drugs in her bedroom)"

"I d-do n-not have d-drugs in my r-r-room!" Fang said standing to defend herself.

"I KNEW IT!" Lightning yelled.

"Snow d-d-did this t-to me!" Everyone gasped.

"Ooh... Snow mal.... (Snow's bad)"

"Snow...."

"Shaniqua....."

"You're SO dead."

"No, you won't hurt me Shaniqua."

"I SO got over the Shaniqua mess!" Lightning chopped Snow's head off.

"Hey! Snow perdido su cabeza! (Snow lost his head)"

"What?" Hope said.

"Como?"(What?) Sazh said.

"Fang you're SO in trouble." Vanille said.

"K-k-kill m-me!"

"No.... I'ma let you suffer you dilemma." Lightning said. Hope started laughing.

"DILEMMA ISN'T A WORD!!"

"Y-y-yes it i-is." Fang said. Hope stopped. He wet his pants.

"Ew Hope!" Lightning yelled.

"Hope, you big baby."

"YOU LOVE ME?!"

"NO!"

THE END!! I'm so proud of these chapters I think of by myself! it's mainly because I was watching my dad play FFXIII but his profile got corrupt RIGHT AT THE END OF THE GAME so he had to start over and I got some fresh ideas. It sucks though. He was fighting Orphan and it messed up and he was almost dead too! That was messed up.


	29. Broken Tear

Broken Tear

Snow throws around that tear that Serah left behind a LOT. What would happen if he dropped it?

Snow stood in the grass. The mountain he stood on was high- very elevated off of the ground below. Snow stared into Serah's tear drop.

"Serah," He said. He threw the tear drop into the air.

"Where'd it go?" He said desperately looking into the sky for the tear drop. It soon came to the ground and shattered.

"No..... no no no no NO!! SERAH SER- uh um.... KENNEDY!! KENNEDY!!! WHY OH WHY!!!"

Lightning walked behind Snow. "What are you yelling about?"

"SERAH'S TEAR IS BROKEN TO ITTY BITTY PIECES!!"

Lightning fell to her knees. She broke out into song. "!!! WHY DID SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW my true love.... DROOOOP YOUR TEEEEEEEEEEAR!!!!!!!!!"

Serah appeared behind them.

"You guys are pathetic."

"SERAH?"

"KENNEDY!!"

"It's you!"

"No, I'm just a figment of your imagination. You are hallucinating. Light wasn't singing. She is standing looking at you like a fool."

"Serah help me! I'm such a special needs child!"

"Oh yea..... I gotta go bye!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!"

"Snow WHAT is your PROBLEM?!"

"I was hallucinating."

"Of course."

THE END! OK every tenth chapter is a special chapter. I can use the audience's (reviewers) ideas for one super chapter or I can think of something myself. But if you'd like your great idea to be shown to the public, leave it in a review! Thank you!


	30. GRAND FINALE 2

GRANDE FINALE 2

"Lightning,"

"Yea Snow?"

"GUESS WHAT!?" Snow yelled. "Me and Serah aren't getting married so you and I can get married!"

"What makes you think I wanna marry YOU?"

"Well um...."

"I don't, Snow. You can take your dumb self home OK?"

"Yes you do!" Hope screamed. "I know this because you don't love me!"

"Hope I DON'T love you and I DON'T love Snow!"

"Who cares?"

"Butt OUT Fang!" Lightning yelled.

"Why are you thinking about her butt?" Snow asked.

"You GUYS!!" Lightning yelled.

"I get it! You're.... bisexual!!"

"I AM NOT HOPE! I'M ENGAGED!!" Everyone gasped. "With who?" Snow asked, tearing up.

"Odin."

"Your Eidolon? Is this a joke?" Fang asked.

"Nope. Come here Odin!" Odin popped out.

"*Yawn* Hey gorgeous booby!"

"Odin! Hello? What about me!"

"Oh Hi Claire. Can I go back to bed until the wedding?"

"You were SERIOUS?!" Snow yelled.

"YES!! And Odin, we have to plan the wedding so you can't stay in there forever."

"Oh, right, and after we get married, we can have sex every day!"

"EW!! ODIN SAID..... the word."

"Grow up!" Odin yelled at Hope. Hope started to cry.

"If you three will excuse us, we have a wedding to plan."

"Then you aren't excused!" Fang yelled.

"Lightning,... after all we've...... been through..... you don't want me anymore?"

"Snow, you've been through so much with my SISTER."

"But I left her for you!"

"NO!" Ser- Kennedy yelled out of nowhere. "YOU LEFT ME BECAUSE I'M REALLY THIRTEEN!"

"WHAT?! OH the HORROR!! I didn't even know my own SISTER'S AGE!!"

"Lightning, can we go? I wanna plan out wedding."

"Lightning you're getting married to your EIDOLON?!" Serah yelled.

"How did you even know this was my EIDOLON?!"

"Leave them alone!" Vanille yelled. "She can marry her Eidolon like I married mine! I have sex with all of his arms every night..."

"EEEWW!!" Everyone yelled.

"Ya know narrator, you don't have to narrate everything."

Yes I do Snow. Otherwise, the readers wouldn't know you just said that!

"Yea they would! Besides where did you come from anyway? Why do stories have narrators?"

Well, Vanille, without a narrator, the readers wouldn't know who was talking, or what was happening, what characters were being used and so many more reasons.

"Well THIS story doesn't NEED a narrator."

Yes it does, SHUT UP Lightning. Gosh I should've killed you in the FIRST CHAPTER!

"What did you just say about my girl?"

Uh... Odin you don't have to get all..... violent..... I was kidding! I was- AAAAAAAAGH!!!

**Lightning: **Now that that narrator's gone, we can continue the story!

**Fang: **Yea this is SO much easier

**Vanille: **I hated the narrator.

**Hope: **I always kind of liked her.

**Snow: **That was a she?

**Sazh: **I think it was an 'it'

**Odin: **Lightning can we plan this wedding already?! I wanna have sex with you without feeling guilty!

**Lightning: **Odin! OK That's it! The wedding is off!

**Odin: **NOOOOOOOO! Say why are these black cold words next to our names when we talk?

**Dead Narrator: **Uh oh.....

**All (except for narrator): NARRATOR!!!**

Uh.... HOPE YOU ENJOYED I GOTTA GO I'M ABOUT TO GET BEATEN!!!


	31. Lightning's Secret

Lightning's Secret

Dear fans this idea is from Pulse99.

"Lightning," Hope started. "Can I ask you something?"

"Is it stupid?"

"No."

Lightning sighed. "Go ahead."

"Why are you still a virgin?"

"I ASKED if it was stupid WHY did you say NO?!"

"That's not a stupid question. I mean you're beautiful but still a virgin."

"Hope, I'm not married. Until I become married, I'll be a virgin."

"Then prepare to be a virgin for the rest of your life."

"HOPE!!"

"What? What kind of guy would like a girl like you?"

"Hope be serious now! You liked me!"

"For the readers DUMMY!"

"So.... you really think..... no body out there..... likes me like that?"

"Yea, except for Odin. But he's just a pervert." Lightning started crying.

"Nobody will ever love me!! I didn't want to be a virgin for so long I just, I just, I mean every time I wanted to, I got embarrassed and changed my mind!!"

"Stop crying will you!!"

"Eh heh, huh?"

"You're a baby!!"

"Eh but, Hope I eh, I want, eh, I want a b....b....boy friend!! EH why has my world come to this point!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Hey you make that noise more than I do! Eh."

"I eh do not eh!"

"SEE EH?!"

"SHUT EH UP EH!!"

"EEEEEHH!!"

"EH!"

"EH!"

"Light you're SO annoying!"

"You're more annoying!"

"I still love you though,"

"I DON'T!!"

"Why not?"

"Hope don't even go there...."

"So who do you love more me or Odin?"

"Odin DEFINITELY."

"Why?"

"He's my Eidolon I HAVE to."

"NO!!"

"YES! He can kill me in two seconds flat!"

"Well I'm putting my foot down! I don't want Odin anywhere NEAR you!"

"He's in my chest you big dummy."

"Then I'll cut it open and get him out!"

"OH NO YOU WONT!"

"Watch me I will!"

"ODIN!" Lightning screamed. Odin popped out, sliced Hope and went back. "Thanks Odin."

"Hush I'm still mad at you for canceling our wedding." Odin said from Lightning's chest.

"Odin, get over it we could never be a couple anyway."

"Yea but YOU just wanna stay a virgin forever!!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"Shut up."

"Girl don't make me cut you from the inside out!"

"SHH SHH SHH Snow's coming!"

"Hey Lightning," Snow started sounding depressing. "Can you get Serah to love me again?"

"Why? You don't deserve her."

"Well, yea, but I don't wanna be a virgin like you."

"SHUT UP!"

"What? Everyone knows about your virginity. It's no secret."

"So what! Nobody wants me why even bug me about my virginity!"

"I wanted you. You rejected me. Now I want your sister."

"I didn't know you were SERIOUS! C'MON you're Snow we can expect ANYTHING from YOU!!"

"*Gasp* I'm INSULTED!!"

"GOOD! YOU SHOULD BE!!"

"You'll never get anyone with that attitude."

"Don't rub it in!"

"Lightning.... do you want.... me to teach you how to get a man?"

"YES PLEASE!!" Lightning said on her knees begging Snow like a dog. Snow helped her up and they went to Snow's home.

"Man your place is so empty without another person in here!"

"Don't rub it in. I got a big house so me and Serah could raise a family but...."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

Snow sighed. "It's fine. Now lesson number one. Guys love girls who go with what they say most of the time. Also guys love girls who are willing to do the unthinkable with them."

"By unthinkable you mean?"

"Go beyond rules and further into a relationship no matter what people say. You really make sex a big deal."

"How do you know that's what I was thinking?"

"I know you better."

"Fine. Continue."

Snow continued telling Lightning what she needed to do. But Snow was playing a trick on Lightning. the only man she would attract is probably not even through puberty yet.

Yea it's Hope. Hope walked out of his room to see Lightning barely wearing any clothes about to go to the mall.

"L-L-L-LIGHTNING?!" Hope said with hearts in his eyes. Lightning rolled her eyes.

"Y-you did this for me?"

"No Hope. No I didn't go away."

"PLEEEEEEASE!?!?!"

"NO."

"PLEEEEEEASE??!"

"NO!"

"PLEEEEEEASE?!?! EH!!"

"FINE OK FINE! TAKE ME TO YOUR BEDROOM!!"

"Really?"

"YES!" Hope took Lightning upstairs and the two got undressed. Lightning lye on her back and Hope stood around clueless.

"CMON HOPE!"

"What do I do again?"

"As many times you wanted me to do this with you YOU DON'T KNOW HOW?!"

"Not.... really..." Lightning explained to Hope what he had to do and they finished their business. Or started. The next morning Lightning woke up next to Hope.

"What is WRONG WITH ME?!"


	32. Lightning's Dilemma

Lightning's Dilemma

"Hope GET UP!!"

"Hey baby."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!"

"What's wrong?"

"WE HAD SEX HOPE!!"

"COOL!!"

"NO NOT COOL! I DIDN'T WANNA DO THIS!! UGH GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!"

"Hey, you're in MY bed. You get out."

"Are you crazy?! You're not seeing this load of sexiness naked."

"HA you called yourself sexy."

"I AM sexy!"

"NO! I wouldn't stare at you naked if my life was at stake!"

"You did that LAST NIGHT!!"

"So? I saw that junk you had and I barely did anything!"

"YES you DID I felt it!"

"Whatever."

"Don't WHATEVER me! You wanted to see me like this and after you do you act like a total JERK! No wonder you're still single!"

Hope started to cry. "How.... how could you say that?"

"Hope......"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"Hope cmon you don't have to.........."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Lightning leaned in and kissed Hope. "That was gross."

"YAY!! Light just kissed me!"

"I didn't WANT to Hope."

"Then why did you?"

"Forget it."

"Hey, Light,"

"What?"

"How come you didn't tell me there would be blood?"

"I was a virgin I didn't know either!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't you would've known. I mean you should have known your a GIRL!!"

"My parents weren't here when I went through puberty I had no clue!"

"SO?! Go to the library rent a book! You need to know this stuff!"

"Shut up Hope! A girl going through puberty is MUCH harder than a boy going through puberty."

"I seriously doubt that."

"Whatever."'

Lightning hopped out of bed. "WHOA LIGHTNING!! You didn't tell me I could see your backside!!"

"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING!!"

"Too bad then."

"Ugh, Hope you're so annoying."

"Can we..... can we maybe....do it again tonight?"

"No way."

"But.."

"NO WAY."

"But..."

"NO WAY!!"

"Why? It's NATURE!"

"But NATURE isn't meant to be done with YOU!"

"Light,"

"Hope,"

"OK fine, maybe you didn't want to have ......it..... with me but C'MON Light! Please just accept the fact that we did it!"

"NEVER!!"

"Why?"

"Because you're the last person I'd wanna do it with!!"

"Fine, Light, but look. You're not a virgin anymore aren't you glad?"

"No, because the person who stole my virginity was YOU!!"

"You're so mean to me!"

"I DON'T CARE!!"

"Man, you're acting like someone killed SERAH!!!"

"NO I'm NOT. That would be Snow's problem not mine."

"OOOOH That was MEEEEAAN!!"

"So what? She never cared for me."

"Is that bothering you?"

"Kind.... of....."

"It's OK Light," Hope said, hugging the naked woman before him. (he was naked too) "You'll be OK."

"Thanks Hope." Lightning said letting go of Hope. "You ever wonder why we used to fight so much?"

"Because of Odin."

"Don't bring my ex into this."

"Ex?"

"Yea. We were dating, broke up, made up, got engaged, wedding was canceled."

"Oh."

"It's a sad thing to think about." Lightning said tearing up. "I still miss him."

"Well, don't! You're with someone better now!"

"WHAT?! You think you and I are TOGETHER?!"

"Well, yea sorta,"

"Just because we had sex doesn't mean we're together!"

"But we stole each other's virginity! What do you mean we aren't together?"

"Just that Hope. I'm not your girlfriend, you're not my boyfriend."

"But.."

"Leave it Hope."

"So.... I guess we can't do it again, huh?"

"Hope you did NOT just ask that."

Lightning woke up in Hope's bed at about 3:00 p.m. She looked under the blanket. She looked up and everyone was staring at her shocked. Except for Snow who was staring at her..... beaver tails.... Lightning quickly covered herself and shook Hope awake.

"You two had sex...... TWICE?!" Fang yelled.

"How'd you know we even had sex the first time?"

"Hope told us when you were asleep." Serah said.

"HOPE?!"

"What???"

"WHY did you.... Why am I.... Oh my gosh forget IT!"


	33. Sushi Time!

Snow's Fattening Issue

Sazh, Snow, Fang, Vanille, Lightning, Hope, and Serah all sat at the sushi restaurant. The food smelled great from a distance. Finally a waiter came to their table.

"May I take your order?"

"Yea, I'll have 15 sushi rolls, 23 of this green stuffs, 75 of this salad and 4 cups of salsa."

"We don't have salsa sir."

"Snow, why are you ordering so much?"

"Serah, I have the right to order anything I want OK?" Snow said. Serah's sensitive feelings caused her to cry and run off.

"SERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

"Snow SHUT UP!"

"I guess that'll be all so 15 sushi rolls, 23 of the green paste and 75 salads."

"WAIT NOOOOOOOOO!!" Lightning screamed. The waiter walked off with the wrong order. Hope stared at Lightning. "Hope please stop staring at me..."

"I can't help it you're RADIATING!! I CAN'T LOOK AWAY!!" Lightning ignored him and focused her attention on Odin.

"Snow...... I think Odin wants to have a chat with you....."

"Please don't call Odin to kill me."

"I wasn't he actually wants to talk to you." Odin popped out. "Snow lemme ask you something. Is it wrong to want to marry a girl because you just like her appearance?"

"Uh.... no......."

"HA LIGHTNING!"

"Odin I don't CARE about what Snow says I'm NOT marrying you!"

"Shouldn't you care about your brother's feelings?"

"I HATE my brother." Snow teared up. "Light.... how.. how could you?!"

"SHUT UP Snow. You ruined my night to eat, you ruined my conscience, you ruined my life!"

"Light, if you never wanted to marry me, you could've said so." Odin said sounding disappointed. "Odin please don't..."

"NO! Don't talk to me! Oh God don't look at me I'm too hideous!" Odin hid his face from Lightning and sobbed. "Odin..."

"Stop talking to me I don't deserve to talk to you!"

"Odin if you're really that sad then we can get married."

"Really?!"

"No, I just love saying things to you to make you happy its funny."

"Well you know what?"

"What? I aint afraid of you!"

"I'll RAPE you!"

"NOOOOOOO!!"

"YES!" Odin grabbed Lightning. "Now what do I do to rape you?"

Lightning smacked her face. "OK first, you put me down and jump in a lake."

"OK but why?"

"So you'll short out. It makes you last longer."

"Oh!" Odin jumped into the nearest lake and died because he couldn't swim. Lightning laughed. The waiter came back without their food but with news.

"Uh... we ask that you leave the restaurant because you're a l'Cie and uh.... We're afraid of that guy that came out of your boobs..."

"Ugh, is EVERYONE obsessed with my chest?!"

"Pretty much yea. Hope is only interested in your chest." Snow told Lightning. She looked back at Hope who was drooling at her chest. "Hope please stop..."

"Goo goo goo goo ga ga ga blee blee blee bee bee bee baa ba ba ga goo goo...."

"HOPE!!"

"Ah blabla ne ne ne ne ba ba ba ba"

"Hope....." Snow was staring at Lightning's chest now too. "SNOW!"

"I can't help it.... your boobs are bigger than Serah's....."

"Oh my God why me." Lightning slammed her head to the table and cried. Sazh was crying when they first walked in because he didn't change Chocobo's invisible diaper and he pooped in Sazh's hair. (He was still crying.) Lightning stood up and left. "I can't take these people anymore." Lightning ran to the lake Odin jumped in. "Odin get out I know you're not dead."

"What do you want from me?"

"We should get married. So I can escape these people."

"Then..... LET'S GET MARRIED!!"

OK I just wanna say this is the last chapter to Not My Name but I'm thinking of making a sequel about Lightning and Odin's marriage! MUA HA HA HA HA this will be FUUUUUUUUN

I wanna thank a few people now.

Pulse99- Great story maker, great advice giver, great person! Thank you for your advice! (And everything else)

Rei-Yuncat- Thank you for EVERYTHING you told me and that picture that you gave me for inspiration because I got the inspiration from the picture!  
(Picture link: http tob ucket .com/albu ms/v642/Yuna cat/lold inner. jpg close the spaces)

jennyz- Thank you for the advice and compliments you're a very helpful person!

DemonChick344- Can't thank you enough for the advice and support!

LilVirga- Great advice giver! You rock!

Thank you everyone! You all are awesome thank you all for advice, ideas, love, support helpful comments, and uplifting compliments!  
The link to the sequel (which is online now) is .net/s/5939632/1/ so check it out!


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